All of those things worked back then and summer was more pleasant than winter with it's dry, cold air and indoors, warm, dry heat (that's changed and it's bad year round now). I wore makeup and while dry eyes were a nuisance, they weren't life-changing.
Today, I'm 40, and frequently it feels like my dry eyes have taken over my life. I wear no makeup because it could further irritate my eyes. I have an hourly alarm set to put in either my serum drops, which must be refrigerated, or my preservative-free drops if I can't get to my serum drops. I follow each drop with 2 minutes of closed eyes, as prescribed by my specialist. I'm taking a round of (4) fish oil / (3) flaxseed oil and healthy-eye vitamins daily as suggested by my eye specialist, in addition, to a concoction of chia seeds, slippery elm root and aloe vera my naturopath has prescribed. I've been to numerous eye doctors, taken numerous prescriptions, seen a rheumatologist, consulted with another, gone to an allergist (followed by nearly 12 weeks of dairy-free & tree-nut free living with the tiny hope it would help -- it hasn't so far and I'm in my 10th week) regularly search the Internet for anything that might lead to a cause and / or (better) a cure. At night I put goop in my eyes and wake up at 2 or 3 am because my eyes are so dry I need to administer more eye drops. I use a humidifier at night and have a special humidifier for travel. I use a small thermos with tiny ice packs, cut to fit, to keep my serum drops cold when I travel. Recently, I've started wearing goggles to bed. In the morning and before bed, I spend about 20 minutes doing a procedure that requires a warm, damp compress over my eyes followed by rubbing a Q-tip saturated with sterile saline over my eyelids.
All this because and in spite of, the fact that I am in agony and terrifiedmy eyes will get worse. By worse, I mean, the corneal damage (abrasions) that can lead to all sorts of horrors; horrors such as Tarsorrhaphy and corneal transplants. The constant pain and burning, apparently, isn't enough to hold over my body and mind so the threat of surgery looms.
It's taxing. Between the lack of sleep, due to waking in the night to put eye drops in, the worry and responsibility, I rarely relax. If I fail to put my drops in regularly, I suffer more and even the regular preservative-free drops don't seem as effective as the serum drops. Nevermind that I'm terrified of needles and I've had a gazillion test performed (all negative) and the serum drops require 10 vials of blood to be drawn. The needle fear has gotten better. I still feel nauseous just thinking about them and I always have to play Jedi-mind tricks in order not to hyperventilate before or during a draw. I still cry every time but it's gotten better and to be fair, I cry a lot these days. I'm only 40 and despite overall health, I feel like I'm falling apart.
The worst part about crying is that it ends with my eyes worse than before. Strange as that sounds, crying tears are different than regular tears, or they seem to be. The puffiness that normal people get after a good, solid emotional cry, only further devastates the inflammation I already have and for days, I can look like I've had some horrible allergic reaction where my eyes puff up so much and redden even more, I look more freakish than usual. The inflammation seems to make my eyes even dryer as an added bonus.
I see my eye specialist every 4-6 weeks and so far, no matter what I do, there's been no improvement. The doctor won't tell me much so I wonder if, perhaps, the problem is getting worse. I've stopped asking because I know I'll just cry even longer after my appointment, or more humiliating, during my appointment. I'm pretty sure, at this point, he's only seeing me, anymore, to make sure I don't end up with glaucoma from all of the steroids.
What I wouldn't pay, what I would do, for a cure, to feel better, to go on with my life without the hours I spend taking care of my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm lucky. I can afford the expensive drops, tests and whatever else has gone along with my eye care. I am, overall, very healthy and I have a family that has been supportive, including my dad, a retired M.D., who has spent countless hours researching dry eyes on the Internet for me, and my mom, who despite her own debilitating, chronic back pain has listened to me cry again and again, over this, and my four year old daughter, who, when she hears my eye drop alarm go off, reminds me to put eye drops in. Still, imagine the good I could do with the money I've spent treating what seems to be un-treatable, or the hours I've spent taking care of my eyes.
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